2010 BAPL UAC Predictions – AL East

For those of us here at BAPL, it’s not just how well a team plays, but how they look playing.  Therefore, this year’s predictions will be based soley on the BAPL Uniform Aesthetics Council’s fashionista preferences.

We begin this week’s aesthetically clairvoyant journey in the AL East.  Here’s how things will shape up in the Money Division come October, based on the scientifically proven method of Uniform Aesthetic Probability:

1. New York YankeesNYY.PNG
Classic and timeless, the home pinstripes and away grays are a testament to the history and majesty of this storied franchise.  The Bronx Bombers don’t need a vast array of flashy “alternate” unis to encourage fanware sales…27 World Series Championships is always fashionable.
Colors (Navy Blue, White): A+ (Simple, classy)
Cap Insignia: A+ (Quite possibly the most recognized in the world)
Team Logo: B (If we must nit pick, this is our mild nit… while timeless and recognizable, it’s also mildly cheesy)
Mascot: F  (Since all BAPL UAC members are natives of the southwest, we are genetically predisposed to despise the word “Yankee”.  *banjo riff* )

2. Boston Red SoxMLB_Uni_BOS.PNG
Actually, the BAPL UAC prefers the Bostons’ home and away unis to those of the Yanks (1), but the beantowners lose points because instead of sticking with the classics, they give in to the merchandising “dark side” and wear alternates on Friday nights.  Additional points were deducted because the home alt jerseys are red. (2)
Colors (Red, Midnight Navy, White): A+ (Home/Away color combos are simple & classy; the road alt color combo is actually pretty slick.)
Cap Insignia: B+ (Quite possibly the second most recognizable in the world)
Team Logo: A (It really says all it needs to say, plus, we’re biased)
Mascot: B (Meh.  We don’t really think of actual “socks” when we talk”Red Sox” here at BAPL, so we neither trash it or give it kudos.)

3. Tampa Bay RaysMLB_Uni_TB.PNG
After making huge strides in 2008 both in the dressing room and on the diamond, the Rays dressing room takes a step backwards in 2010 by adding hideous powder blue alternates to their wardrobes. (3)
The Rays also lose points for failing to use their locale name on their road jerseys, i.e. “Rays” instead of “Tampa Bay” on the away grays.  (See Section C, Article 135, Subsection 420 of the BAPL UAC Uniform Code for rules governing city/franchise/fandom association in road unis).
On the plus side, the Rays home unis, aways, and first alternates look great, and are leaps and bounds easier on the eyes than the grotesque fashion disaster that was pre-2008 Tampa.
Colors (Navy Blue, Columbia Blue, White, Gold): C- (Huge penalty for the 2010 use of Columbia Blue as the prominent color on the new alts.)
Cap Insignia: B- (Quite possibly the least recognizable in the world)
Team Logo: B (Crisp and appealing, but fails to induce a fan-gasm.)
Mascot: C+ (“Devil Rays” was much cooler)

4. Baltimore Orioles MLB_Uni_BAL.PNG
Since 2008, literal fights have broken out in the BAPL UAC War Room over who should occupy the aesthetics cellar in the AL East after reigning fashion train wreck Tampa hired an image consultant.  The council is firmly divided into two camps: The Only Mix Orange and Black on Halloween Camp, and the I Can’t Believe The Toronto Brass Still Make the Jays Wear Those Hideous Powder Blue Throwbacks Camp.  This year, the powder blue camp prevailed, though rumors of jelly donut kick-backs were making the rounds on the Sunday morning TV circuit.  The orange and black camp has filed an appeal.
Possibly the only saving grace for the Oriole uni’s is that the orange/black affront to the senses is slightly minimized when they don the home whites and road grays…plus the road grays sport the city name “Baltimore”, not that anyone actually lives in Baltimore these days that isn’t incarcerated or at least, should be.
Colors (Black, Orange, White): F  (Blatent violation of Section B, Article 2 of the BAPL UAC Code)
Cap Insignia(s): F  (“O’s” and a very un-intimidating songbird?  PUH-leeeze!)
Team Logo: D- (Might have warranted a “C-” if not for the stupid bird)
Mascot: F (See last two category comments)

5. Toronto Blue JaysMLB_Uni_TOR.PNG
While the Only Mix Orange and Black on Halloween Camp‘s appeal is stuck in subcommitee, the I Can’t Believe The Toronto Brass Still Make the Jays Wear Those Hideous Powder Blue Throwbacks Camp is partying like it’s 1979.  The O & B Camp’s main argument is that the Toronto should not occupy the cove
ted AL East Worst Dressed
cellar-dweller position based solely on the repulsive powder blue throwbacks.  After all, the road grays have the requisite city name across the chest, the home whites are fairly pleasing, and the alternates do not even come close to the eye-vomit inducing alternates of the Orioles.  Methinks the Jelly Donut Lobby is at work behind closed doors of the BAPL UAC subchambers.   
Colors (Blue, Black, Graphite, Silver, White): B  (WTF is “Graphite”?  Must be a Canadian thing.)
Cap Insignia(s): B  (Actually, not too horrible, the O & B camp may have been wronged)
Team Logo: F (Sure, it includes the acceptable cap insignia, but the added appendage just screams “We’re really, really trying to look cool and fit in”, not unlike baseball in Canada.)
Mascot: F (What is with the mascot selection for Toronto sports teams?  Blue Jays?  Maple Leafs?  Raptors?  Ok, “Raptors” might be cool for the NHL, but not the NBA.  The only cool sounding mascot in Toronto belongs to their CFL team, the Toronto Argonauts, whatever the fk an “Argonaut” is…effing Canadians.)

This just in: the Friends of Focused and Relevant Baseball Blogging Group has just successfully lobbied for an Actual BAPL Predictions rider to be appended to each UAC Predictions Resolution.  See below.

Actual BAPL Predictions for the American League East as mandated by BAPL UAC32910:

AL East
1. New York Yankees
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Tampa Bay Rays
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Toronto Blue Jays

(Naturally, this matches the original UAC Predictions anyway.  Effing lobbyists.)

Next up: the NL East.

–Jonestein


(1)
Full disclosure – the BAPL UAC is chock full of Red Sox supporters.

(2) The BAPL UAC is repulsed by unis
that prominently feature the color RED.  Red is acceptable as a
highlight color only, and ONLY when it doesn’t clash with a unis
primary colors or cause seizures.

(3) The BAPL UAC frowns heavily upon
teams taking the field in powder blue.  However, powder blue is
nostalgically acceptable in the fanware department, except for maybe
the Blue Jays powder blues…we’ll get to them next though
.

Note: For those of you out there that share the BAPL Uniform Aesthetics Council’s weird obsession with uniform aesthetics, be sure to check out the Uni Watch site.

Images swiped from team pages on Wikipedia.

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12 comments

  1. redstatebluestate

    As Supreme Chancellor and Vice Vicar of the highly recognized Rebels Against No-Good Erratic Racketeers Still Selling Uniforms, Caps & Knapbottles (RANGERSSUCK), I do declare that I wholeheartedly agree with your uniform aesthetic assessment; however, the BAPL UAC couldn’t be more wrong in its biased evaluation of the Red Sox finishing in second place; and we would also like to invoke our higher powers (which you are not allowed to question, good sir) to point out that the idea of a red-based color scheme warranting point deductions in evaluation is not only idiotic, it is also effing retarded [sic] 🙂
    Sincerely,
    J. Michael S. T. L. Riffington, IV
    …whose interests can be found at:
    http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/
    http://mtrredstatebluestate.com

  2. bjay_fan

    Wow, a little poorly written? After reading this, I try (believe me I TRY) to be courteous but seriously? What was with the toronto blue jays review? (yes I’m a die-hard Jays fan) I will agree with you the powder blue ones don’t work out too well for me but….
    1. “(WTF is “Graphite”? Must be a Canadian thing.)” how do you NOT know what graphite is, have you used a pencil? See the colour the marks it leaves on paper? There ya go.

    2. Argonaut, there are many definitions to an Argonaut but the football team takes from the sailors of Greek mythology.

    Geez man, do you hate Canadians somehow? Cause I can take a good Canadian joke, but this removes all doubt that this blog is poorly written (but as you proclaim, you know that already.)

  3. raysfanboy

    I am not totally happy about the new jerseys this year, either. I feel like we are trying to capitalize on North Carolina’s fashion success. I don’t know. But I have to say, that we have had ALOT more success since we took the “Devil” our of “Devil Rays.” Just sayin’…

    I was surprised to see MLB Net proclaim that the Rays will finish 2nd in the division this year with 94 wins. I am optimistic, but I can see a 3rd place finish much more easily than a 2nd place and wildcard finish. I’ll take it if it happens, though!

    About a week before I’ll be in my seats taking in Game #1 at the Trop. Can’t wait until it starts to actually count. Nice post brotha!

    http://raysfanboy.mlblogs.com/

  4. Jonestein

    Mr. Riffington – You misunderstand, kind sir. As the article clearly states, the Council’s only objection to the color red is when it is used like, such as, in the alternate home jersey of the Bofton Red Stockings and in the insidious maple leaf of the despicable Canadian flag. There are other base-ball organizations that utilize said red rather well, as the council shall touch on during the League National prognostications.

    Terence – (or are you Phillip?) I have no idea where you are getting this perceived Canadian slight. And answer me this, dear sir, how does slighting an inevitable cellar dwelling Halladay-less base-ball team equate to poor writing? Had the council taken issue with the New Yorkers, would that have constituted poor writing, sir? Why not the same faulty equivocation for oppressed Baltimorians? Is this Canadian “logic” rearing it’s beady-eyed head?

    RR – Funny you mention the North Carolina thing. I’ve noticed that NC jerseys are popular amongst the gangstas and the gangsta wannabees, and that many NBA teams, including my Mavs, are starting to go to similar light blues. Hell, I was at a Mavs/Denver game just tonight and guess what color the Nuggets jerseys were? I also read that Communist Canada may be switching the color of their flag from Oblivious Kremlin Red to NC Gangsta Blue. Canadians – can’t annex ’em, can’t wipe ’em out with small pox infected blankets tossed across the border.

    ;^)
    –Jonestein

  5. redstatebluestate

    So does all that mean that all Canadians are gay? I think I saw Glenn Beck say that on Fox News. Must be true.
    –Jeff

  6. expos_94

    You don’t like Toronto’s Baby Blues, eh? I find them to be the one upside of the Blue Jays’ awful uniforms. I think that they should incorporate the Maple Leaf back into their logo instead of just slapping it on their sleeve.
    Mike
    http://mikebarryu.mlblogs.com

  7. devilabrit

    Now I figured the Yankees would have points dropped for the overly used NY logo on everything from dog crap to altitude induced vomit at JFK and their lack of intelligent current design, maybe they could by a new uniform design from Canada to use as an Alt 1

    WTF you dont like Canadians… is that all Canadians or the ******* French Canadians

    ~peter
    http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

  8. Jonestein

    Jeff – Yes, absolutely, Glenn Beck definitely knows gay when he sees it.

    Mike – REALLY??? I certainly agree with incorporating the maple leaf back in (and i actually like the logo part of the old unis), but the powder blues are probably the most hideous powder blue unis ever inflicted on any team. Blech.

    Peter – I’m still bitter about the gold medal hockey game, plus I’m just getting psyched for opening day…the Jays paly in Arlington on Monday. :^)

    –Jonestein

  9. raysrenegade

    Got to admit,
    I hated that the team in 2007 when they shifted the logo and the team basic colors disregarded the use of the region’s name on the away jerseys.
    But then again, some say it is a metal ploy to remnind the region it is not set in concrete that they will always be here.
    But then again, even Fox Broadcasting can not decide if we are actually based in thew middle of the estuary(Tampa Bay) or in St. Petersburg even during their Television promos for the upcoming season.
    The Columbia blue is a disaster to me, but to the female and kids it is a nice luxury to color coordinate their clothes, or just make their eyes pop (That is my GF’s opinion).
    I agree….Our uniforms do not command the history or the tradition of Boston or New York, but they will be the jerseys those teams will fear in their rearview mirrors or glance at as we pass them again in the standing in 2010.

    Rays Renegade

    http://raysrenegade.mlblogs.com

  10. bklyntrolleyblogger

    YANKS – (shhh…listen. I hear banjos) Yanks, as a Met fan I’d be the first to tell you They Get It! I pity the fool who tries to slip a change through.
    BoSox – They Get It. Alternates aside. Alternates don’t bother me if it’s only one game a week. More than two games a week and I have a problem.
    RAYS – After taking a huge couple of steps forward, yep, they took a step back with the baby blue. C’mon guys.
    OriHoles – Still laughing! get back to you on these loosers.
    Blue Jays – I’m tempted so dispatch some filthy NYC pigeons for a fly-by bird droppin Yo! Graphite? Felix Unger is hiding in Toronto as a Blue Jay’s uni consultant?

    enjoyed the cr-Oriole-ap out of this series.
    mike

  11. Jonestein

    RR – Yeah, you got that right. I’m probably underestimating your guys in the actual predictions…probably just my Red Sox supporter bias swaying me though.
    :^)

    Mike – RELEASE THE….pigeons? WTF happened to the hounds? A: The pigeons pooped on ’em. Glad you’ve enjoyed this series, I’ve enjoyed your comments. Also, love your blog…I don’t always comment on it because “Hey, great blog” get’s a little old, but I enjoy the shiite out of your virtual tours.

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