2010 BAPL UAC Predictions – NL Central

Genesis.  Redemption.  Forgiveness.  Those who dwell in Bronze Age fairy tales will no doubt claim these words to be of their realm, to which the BAPL Uniform Aesthetics Council and at least one portly comedian would exclaim, “Nay, Nay!”

No, dear readers, to the UAC, these three words, aesthetically speaking, are associated with one thing: the NL Central.  That is, four of the six teams occupying the NL Central.  You see, if it wasn’t for the late 70’s/early 80’s
incarnations of the Houston Astros, Pittsburgh Pirates, Milwaukee
Brewers, and St. Louis Cardinals, the UAC might very well not exist.

Genesis
al_1981_texas_02_road.jpgCouncil
members growing up in North Texas during this dark age of uniform
aesthetics already had to deal with the hideous powder blues of the Texas Rangers
(UAC team of choice).  While mainly used as road uniforms, young future
council members still had to endure road game highlights during the
sports segment of the local news.  The seeds of UAC genesis were being
sown.

nl_1980_pittsburgh_01.jpgThen came the 1979 World Series
between the Pittsburgh “We are Family” Pirates and the Baltimore
Orioles.  Not only were young future council members subjected to the
retina annihilating yellow and jimpalmer.jpegblack unis of the Pirates, they were forced to endure the alien-like, orangy-bronze skin of Orioles pitcher Jim Palmer.  Nightmares were had.  Beds were wet.  Therapy was sought.  It was traumatic, to say the least.

nl_1980_houston_02_home.gifThen, the summer of 1980, when, at the tender age of 15, UAC founder
Jonestein was sentenced to a summer of hard labor at a wallpaper
warehouse in Houston for the heinous crime of being “little brother”.  
What at first seemed like a  merciful gesture from Judge Mom, i.e. a
giant package of Houston Astros tickets (lower level, 3rd base side,
between home plate and 3rd…they freakin rocked) for the summer,
proved to be an aesthetic nightmare for young Jonestein.  A summer of
watching the “Rainbow Era” Astros aesthetic barbarism was capped
off with more of the same in the 1980 NLCS, with the added assault
of the 1980 Philadelphia Phillies powder blues.

al_1982_mil_stl_01.jpgThe final straw came during the 1982 World Series, or “Powder Bluetzkreig”,
as it is affectionately called in UAC circles, between the St. Louis
Cardinals and the Milwaukee Brewers. As if the sight of Pete Vukovich
wasn’t enough, the Brewers road PBs with their yellow trim were truly
horrid. (The image to your right doesn’t do them horrific justice).
This traumatic assault on the aesthetic senses made the founding of the
council inevitable.

Redemption & Forgiveness
The BAPL UAC has come a long way since the Powder Blue Dark days of
Mordor.  Frodo has since dropped the Evil Powder Blue Ring into the
bowels of Mount Doom and at last, the Four Batsmen of the Aesthetic
Apocalypse have managed to find some fashion sense.  And while the
council will never forget, they most certainly do forgive: 

1. Milwaukee Brewers MLB_Uni_MIL.PNG
Perhaps
one of the UAC’s favorite set of uniforms.  They sport the colors of
the national Libertarian Party and fit well around the belly of Brewers
portly first baseman Prince Fielder.  And did we mention the beer?

Colors (Navy Blue, Gold, White): A(Strongest asset of Brewerwear)
Cap Insignia(s): A 
(We likee)
Team Logo: A (We still likee)
Mascot: A+ (Makers of the council’s favorite beverage, can’t go wrong there.)

2. St. Louis Cardinals MLB_Uni_STL.PNG
Assuming you’ve read the previous prognostications this week, you might
be inclined to wonder how a team with red foundations manages to rate a
number two spot in the aesthetic standings.  Simple.  The boys from Saint Lou
actually do the color justice, not over using it on their traditional
home whites and away grays.  Plus, they stick with the classics,
something that will almost always sway the aesthetic hearts of the UAC.

Colors (Cardinal Red, Navy Blue , White): A  (Judicious use of the red, navy blue always a plus)
Cap Insignia(s): A 
(Time honored and highly recognizable)
Team Logo: B+ (While the council generally isn’t fond of birdlike logos, this one flies)
Mascot: B (Of all
the bird mascots in baseball, we’re betting the Cardinal was the
beneficiary of Blue Jay and Oriole lunch money back in songbird grade school.)

3. Pittsburgh Pirates MLB_Uni_PIT.PNG
Oh,
how the Pirates unis have come along since 1979.  The home whites and
away grays are hella-nice and almost make up for the eye-trauma caused
by the ’79 monstrosities.  The first alternate violates UAC Code 86A – Sleeveless Jerseys Look Silly,
but the away alts with their black jerseys adorned with the Pittsburgh
“P” are nearly fangasm-worthy.  The council also gives extra kudos to
the three major Pittsburgh teams for being consistent with their color
schemes. (With the exception of the Penguins powder blues…blech)

Colors (Black, gold, white): A  (Black and gold, when used properly, look sharp.)
Cap Insignia(s): A 
(Simple, looks nice)
Team Logo: D (
Nah, we do not likee)
Mascot: C+ (
Possibly the only team in the sports universe that it works for)

4. Chicago Cubs MLB_Uni_CHC.PNG
Council members have never like the Cubs “C” logo, and can’t
come to a consensus as to why.  Even back in the day when the council
would watch the Cubs on WGN whilst pretending to be home sick, the “C”
was not the slightest bit appealing.  Otherwise, the cubbie unis look
great, especially the road grays.

Colors (
Blue, Red, White): A  (Lots o’ blue…beddy nice)
Cap Insignia(s): D 
(
Meh. Mentioned above)
Team Logo: D
(Ditto)
Mascot: D-
(Kind of wimpy.  No, not kind of…is wimpy)

5. Houston Astros MLB_Uni_HOU.PNG
While the council has forgiven the atrocities of the “Rainbow
Era”, this confusing “Red Brick” color utilized as a highlight color on
the home and aways, and predominately on the alternates, makes the
council think the color red and the color orange have been making incestuous whoopee,
with unsightly offspring consequences.  The home pinstripes can stay,
as can the away grays, but the alternate love-children from the hellish
red/orange union must join the Rangers powder blues in the depths of
Mordor.

Colors (Black, Brick Red, Sand): F  (Think we covered it)
Cap Insignia(s): A 
(Looks great on the black cap)
Team Logo: C+
(Not awful.)
Mascot: B-
(Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the space programs associated with Houston, but with Astroturf…so we are told. )

6.  Cincinnati Reds  MLB_Uni_CIN.PNG

Red.  Reds.  Alternate reds.  Blech.
Nuff said.


Colors
(Red, White, Black): F  (Again, red. Blech)
Cap Insignia(s): C 
(Meh.)
Team Logo: C
(Meh.)
Mascot: C
(Meh)

Actual BAPL Predictions for the National League Central as mandated by BAPL UAC32910:

NL Central
1. St. Louis Cardinals (Albert & Co. will reign supreme in the Central once more)
2. Chicago Cubs (The Cubs will fall short once more)
3.
Milwaukee Brewers (At least the Brewers will look good being in third)
4. Cincinnati Reds (Fourth could just as easily go to the ‘Stros)
5. Houston Astros (Fifth could just as easily go to the Reds)
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
  (Home Sweet Home)


Next up: the NL West

–Jonestein

Note: For those of you out
there that share the BAPL Uniform Aesthetics Council’s weird obsession
with uniform aesthetics, be sure to check out the Uni Watch site.

Old style uni images from the Dressed to the Nines uniform database.

Current uni Images swiped from team pages on Wikipedia.


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5 comments

  1. bklyntrolleyblogger

    (43 yrs old. I Hear you loud and clear!)
    *The Cubs were the first team I ever came to hate. Later in life I came to learn what bears really make in the woods.. i.e.- Cubby droppings. Their modern unis are cool. Back in the day though? Fughedit!
    *The Astros unis used to make my eyes bleed. Then to my dismay…my little league team adopted a blue scheme of the same uni.
    *The REDS?? Wrong wrong wrong! Not you…Them! For a team est. in 1869 how it is they don’t tap into that history and come up with a uni thats speaks to it…wrong wrong wrong!
    *Cards…as close to baseball uni perfection as 90 feet is to a base path.
    *Buccs…Nine different combos in the 70/80s was ridiculous. Some combos were cool…most were offensive to look at.
    *Brewers…I get the scheme and logo. The colors are on. I just think they can do better. Not saying it’s bad…just saying they can do better.
    mike… http://thebrooklyntrolleyblogger.mlblogs.com/

  2. redstatebluestate

    How dare you rank the Brewers’ unis over the Redbirds’!!!! You’re messin’ with TRADITION, Sir. Believe me, I love me some beer, but those ever-changing Brewers unis can’t TOUCH the Cardinals’ classics. Whew. Okay. I’m cool.
    As for the Astros, they continue to confuse me… so much that I don’t even know what their actual unis/logos/colors are. Remember there was a weird H with a half star, they had gold and black as their colors, then the burnt orangey/red… I think my favorite Astros uniforms were the Colt .45 unis, before they were the Astros. And it’s a shame, cuz that name is sweet! The ASTROS. Very cool and full of potential… potential that is never fulfilled.
    –Jeff
    http://redstatebluestate.mlblogs.com/
    http://mtrredstatebluestate.com

  3. benross

    I LOVE that you have the Brewers uni’s first. Of course I’m bias when I say that but they are sharp colors. I’m not going to go as far and bash the other teams but you hit the nail on the head with that one. I’m also really glad to see you kept your comments to the newer Uni’s and logo. I still really like the old school look but I’m a bigger fan of the new scheme.

    I would have the Brewers higher in the actual standings though but that is my opinion. Good blog, best of luck to your Rangers this year.
    http://benross@mlblogs.com

  4. devilabrit

    The rainbow error Astros, should have belonged to the SF Giants… the ‘little brother’ punishment was great.. but again loss of points should be endured by those arrogant holier than thou teams that believe having just 2 uniform colors makes them a better team…

    – peter
    Phillies Outside
    http://devilabrit.mlblogs.com

  5. Jonestein

    Mike – I never had any compelling reason to hate the Cubs until I stumbled upon RSBS…Jeff & Al make it so much fun I’ve considered making it one of my hobbies.
    :^)

    Jeff – Had the Brewers colors been anything other than LNC blue and gold, your boys might have prevailed, cuz I do like me some redbird unis.

    Ben – The Brewers unis indeed rock. As far as the standings go, I don’t think I’ve EVER gotten ’em right, except in predicting the inevitable 3rd or 4th place finish for my boys…but hell, that’s like shootin’ fish in a barrel.

    Peter – Don’t know if the 2 uni thing makes em necessarily “better” but it does give them kind of an “Original Six”-like (hockey) mystique . Plus I just like the traditional & classics from the old school teams.

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