…and I’m not particularly fond of my Rangers right now. What a heaping pile of suck this weekend was.
Gotta hand it to the Rays though, whatever the hell was said in that Friday players only meeting called by Carlos Pena sure the f*ck worked. Saturday and Sunday – THAT is the Tampa Bay Rays I was expecting to see on Wednesday and Thursday at The Trop.
Hopefully, these Rays will stay behind in Arlington and we’ll get that Seattle Mariners tribute band from last week at The Trop again Tuesday night.
Not from today’s game, but still an awesome GIF:
I made it to all freakin 81 Rangers home games this year!
SUCK IT, BUCKET LIST!!!!
Of course, they lost 6-2 to Los Anaheim today, but it’s understandable, they pulled all of the starters in the sixth inning so, whatevs.
Funny thing was, the Halos got PISSED that we put our scrubs in so soon and had grand hoopla exits for the starters. Dan Haren threw behind Matt Treanor when he was sent in to pinch hit for Vladdy so Vladdy could get his ovationie goodness from the crowd. Then Haren was jawwing at the Rangers dugout trying to start more shat.
What a *&^%$* doosh.
Anyway, what a GREAT season. Playoff tix came in Friday, and I’m freaking jazzed as hell.
Cept I’m also pissed at TBS for scheduling the first two ALDS games in Tampa at 12:30PM and 1PM…ON A GOT-DAYUM WEEKDAY!!!
EFF YOU, TBS!!
I’m not feeling terribly inspired or witty today, as I think I blew my snarck-wad in the last several posts, comments sections, and on Facebook…so you might want to take Officer Barbrady’s advice and “Move along, there’s nothing to see here”, this is probably going to be a boring post.
*waits for you to move along*
Ok, so how did the Magic BAPL Prediction Box® do in the ALDS and NLDS? Looks like I went 3-1, with an asterisk next to the “3”:
1. Los Anaheim in five over Boston.
Well, I got the “over” part right. Unfortunately, the Halos heroics were too much for my boys from Beantown, and there was no dramatic game five win, just an embarrasing three-game sweep in front of a stunned Beantown crowd. It seems Post-Season Papelbon is mortal afterall.
2. Yanks sweep Twinks.
Check. This was the easiest of the predictions, though the Twinks fell valiantly.
3. Phils 3 games to 1 over the Rox.
4. Cardinals 3 games to 2 over the Dodgers.
Not so much. Not sure that Matt Holliday’s flubolla made any difference in this one as the Cardinals decided to do their best impersonation of the September 2009 Texas Rangers. I really thought the Cardinal bats would overpower the Dodger pitching. Looks like this prediction fell victim to an old adage. Worst of all: Padilla. Blech.
Now, onward and forward to the ALCS and NLCS, slightly tainted because I’m a day late and the Phils beat Los Angeles of Los Angeles last night:
1. ALCS – Yanks over the Angels in Six.
I actually WANT the Angels to win because I would love to see a LAA-LALA World Series…and I actually WANT the Angels to win the World Series because it would be a huge, symbolic middle finger to all of the AL West bashers out there. But alas, as much as it pains me to say this, I think the Yanks are the “real deal” this year. The Halos will give em one helluva fight, but the Evil Empire will prevail.
2. NLCS – Dodgers over Phils in Seven.
I’ll at least get half of my desired World Series, and MLB, FOX, and anyone who benefits from good television ratings will get their full WS wish as the Dodgers prevail in an epic dogfight(I can’t believe I’m starting to use the word “epic” all of the time. I sound like my 17 yr old nephew…EVERYTHING is “Epic”…lol). The Phils, like the Angels, will not go down easily and shall fight valiantly to the bitter end.
Not that my predictions matter, as I think any combination will give us a great World Series this year.
Ok, that’s it. Told you it would be boring.
On this Holiest of Holy days, be sure to share the following with your delusional friends afflicted with the mind-virus known as “Religion”:
1. The Bible is fiction, and not even good fiction…unless you enjoy mysogynistic, homophobic, capricious genocidal snuff pulp fiction.
2. Jesus was not the son of “God”, and probably never even existed (and please, spare me the Lee Strobel recommendations, I’ve read his laugh-out-loud garbage before, it wasn’t the slightest bit convincing or for that matter, intellectually honest). However, if Jesus did exist, he would surely hate the Cubs.
3. There is no supernatural sky-daddy who created the universe and keeps track of, nor cares, how many times you pause “Transformers” to rub one off watching Megan Fox look slutty.
4. Christianity is the bad sequel to Judaism, and Islam is the exceedingly worse sequel that should have gone straight to DVD.
5. Mormonism is one of the many wacky spin-offs of Christianity that should have been cancelled after the first episode.
6. Scientology was a very lucrative practical joke initiated by L. Ron Hubbard to demonstrate how people will enthusiastically hemorrage money to you and believe fking ANYTHING. The only reason it hasn’t eclipsed the Abrahamic Trilogy of Myths (and spin-offs) is that it hasn’t had 2000+ years to fester and spread.
7. The rest of them are just as silly, ridiculous, improbable, and not worthy of the clever, acidic wit it would take to properly blaspheme them.
MLBlogs Bonus – “The Angels” are not the winged minions of “God”, they are a Major League Baseball team out of Anaheim, CA, who suffer from a perpetual identity crisis
and the inability to smite the Boston Red Sox in the ALDS.
Note – Not that anyone gives a sh!t, but BAPL shall be silent until next week as I trek up to The People’s Republic of Taxachusetts tomorrow to watch the Red Sox play a meaningless game against the Injuns at Fenway. BAPL shall reopen Monday morning, assuming my return flight doesn’t get jacked by Al Queda suicide a$s bombers.
I’m probably jinxing muh boys here, but I can’t think of anything else to write about since my Clever Blog Muse seems to have taken a vacation….good thing I don’t believe in superstition.
Anyway, *puts on prophet hat* here’s the different playoff scenarios I see for the boys in blue (Note: I’m assuming that New Mordor takes the AL East in all of these scenarios…I just don’t think my #2 Red Sox can catch ’em):
1. Best Case Scenario – Rangers Win AL West, Angels Win Wildcard
I’m also assuming here that the Yanks have the best record in the AL. This is a good scenario for the Rangers because it would pit the Angels against the Yanks in the ALDS, and the Angels seem to own the Yanks. Plus, historically, the Rangers don’t seem to fare well against the Ogres from Mordor, especially in the ALDS (see 1996, 1998, 1999).
Assuming we make it past the AL Central champ in the ALDS(I’d rather face the ChiSox than Detroit), this would pit us against Los Anaheim in the ALCS…and surprisingly, we seem to own the Angels this year.
Unfortunately, I just don’t see this scenario playing out, because while the Rangers seem to do well against the Angels, there hasn’t been much consistent winning against anyone else, so only a sweep of the remaining seven against Los Anaheim would get this done…and the Angels seem to take at least one from us in each series this season.
Odds of this scenario happening: very slim.
2. Next Best Scenario – Angels Win AL West(with best AL record), Rangers Win Wildcard
This scenario would at least give the Rangers a shot at appearing in their first ever ALCS, assuming they continue to semi-own the Los Anaheim….and we could proudly go edit the Texas Rangers Wikipedia entry that accurately says “The Texas Rangers are the most unsuccessful team in MLB” (by virtue of the fact that they are the only team to never reach a league championship game). Unfortunately, if the Rangers made it past Los Anaheim, they’d likely face New Mordor in the ALCS, and as history shows(1996, 1998, 1999), things don’t go well for the Rangers against the Yanks in the playoffs.
Odds of this scenerio happening: Possible. Los Anaheim isn’t that far behind the Yanks in the W/L department, and still have a 3 game series with them in September…in Anaheim…AND as I said earlier, LA seems to own the Yanks this year.
3. The Late Nineties Scenario – Rangers Win Wildcard, Face Yanks in ALDS
Pretty much the same as above, but the Yanks have the best AL record and subsequently boot us in the ALDS instead of the ALCS. On the bright side, the Rangers could at least say they made the playoffs in a year no one expected they would.
Odds of this scenario happening: Pretty darn good. If the Rangers will get just a little more consistent, this is the likely playoff scenario that will occur. Sure, we’ll lose yet another ALDS to New Mordor, but I wasn’t expecting anything resembling a playoff game at Rangers Ballpark this year.
4. The “Until they prove otherwise”, Pessimistic Fan Scenario – Rangers Tank
If you look at the last half of this decade(and the majority of seasons in the life of the franchise), this is what most of us in Rangers (Stag)Nation would tell you is likely to happen. Heck, I’ve been “waiting for the shoe to drop” since the All Star Break. But one non-transaction gives me hope for this season and beyond: Nolan Ryan and Jon Daniels did NOT make a deal for Roy Halladay and trade away our future. They are sticking to their three-year plan, and home-growing us a championship team via our badd-a$s farm system.
If this scenario does play out, then I at least hope my #2 Boston Red Sox get in…they are the only reason I’ve had someone to root for in October this decade.
Odds of this scenario happening – Very likely…until proven otherwise.
Side note: Last night at the bowling alley, some 18 yr oldish kid in the lane next to me got absolutely livid over my Rangers pessimism when I suggested that the Rangers couldn’t take the Yanks in the playoffs. Ah, the joy of youthful optimism, oh how I miss it.