Tagged: FILF

Jed Lowrie is a Wuss

jed lowrie.jpg

BAPL Embedded

Rangers 7, Red Sox 3 (Sunday)
Red Sox 3, Rangers 1 (Saturday)

Yes, Jed Lowrie is a wuss.*  I was thinking this exact thought yesterday as I sat up in the shade, approximately 5000 rows back from the BAPL VIP seats in the 103 degrees at Rangers Ballpark.  I mean, COME ON, I was doing just fine with a water drenched bandanna wrapped around my neck, dooshy little mist fan a-blowin’, and six-pack of ice cold Ozarka in the ice chest….jeez.

I was also there for the 102 degree sweat-fest the night before, but was Jed Lowrie?  Nooooo!  He was all dehydrated or some lame excuse from the night before, a game that, yes, you guessed it, yours truly was also at, sweating away 10 lbs of salt and lard.

ANYway, Saturday’s loss to my numero two-o team, the Boston Red Sox, wasn’t that hard to swallow.  Jon Lestah pitched a gem (as did Colby Lewis), and t’weren’t no one was gonna hit that Beantown Badas$ on Saturday night. 

What WAS hard to swallow was 1) The Ranger’s bullpen letting the BoSox get two more runs in the ninth, and 2) Vladdy’s ill-timed attempt to steal during the rally in the bottom of the ninth.  BAD Vladdy, BAD!

Sunday’s scorcher saw another great pitching duel between Dice-K and C.J. Wilson.  I gotta hand it to Dice-K, he pitched one helluva game when I thought he’d wilt by the 4th in the oppressive rising sun of Arlington in August.  Sunday was also a bit of a reversal from Saturday night’s duel.  This time, it was the Ranger’s CJ Wilson who did the out-dueling, with the Sox bullpen folding in the late innings.

I left the ballpark yesterday sweaty, happy, and probably mildly strokey.

Speaking of strokey:

FILF.jpegWeekend FILFage
One of the few benefits of risking heat-stroke in an August day game is the rampant lack of clothing on display by the fairer sex patrons at Rangers Ballbark:

* Multiple tanky-top wearing, flat-tummied, well-to-adequately cleavaged SWILFs baking their sweaty selves in the oppressive heat whilst hosing themselves down with mist bottles and mist fans.

* Several scantily clad original ILFs, of the young motherly sort, distracting me from the proceedings on the field.

* LILF night at the ballpark.  Several drunken, scantily-clad Latinas generously displayed their assets during Saturday night’s contest.  Muy bueno!

* A traffic directing PILF, of the gun-toting, badge carrying variety to and fro the stadium Saturday night.  I was tempted to start a ruckus at the cross-walk with some hapless Bostonians just so she’d have to take me down.

Speaking of Boston fans, while your “LET’S GO RED SOX!” chants get annoying, I’ll take you folks at the ballpark any day over the obnoxious New Yorkers. 


* For the sarcasm/humor-impaired, I’m only kidding.  I don’t blame Jed for sitting out the rest of The Scorcher Series.  I love Nolan Ryan but his down-playing of the eff!ing Texas heat is ludicrous.

I Freakin’ Called it!

Nellie Red Sox Walkoff.jpg

BAPL Embedded
Rangers 10, Red Sox 9 (11)

Actual conversation in the bottom of the 11th at Rangers Ballpark last night:

(To the backdrop audio of Chuck Morgan, Rangers Ballpark PA announcer)

“Now pitching for Boston, number 49, Tim Wakefield…”

Me: “I’m making the call.”

Buddy: “Really?”

Me: “Yep.  Wakefield’s gonna serve up a nice, juicy knuckly-type meatball, and Nellie is going to park it in the left field seats.”

Buddy: “No wa…”


Josh Lewin (down in the booth) : “BALLGAME!!!”

Needless to say, it was an awesome freaking game.

UNI Watch
* Tommy Hunter selected the hideous red unis.  Deep inside, I was glad he got knocked around and out of the game for that very reason.
* Normally, I’m not a fan of alternate uniforms, but I do love the Sox’s Friday night road alternates, those of the Midnight Blue jerseys, gray pants and, imagine this, red socks.

Wide variety of FILF last night:

* A VERY attractive, slender JILF near the escalators on the way in…loves me some Japananese…

* BILF wearing a Pedroia jersey a few rows down.  She apparently forgot to button the top couple of buttons, displaying a nice helping of Bostonian assets.

* Two YILFs near the BAPL VIP Seats, or upon closer inspection, probably should be classified as 10-to-20ILFS…I wisely directed the BAPL Oglescope elsewhere the rest of the game just to be safe.

* A DILF who almost stumbled in front of our car on the way out of the parking lot.  No doubt she would be auditioning for the role of “Bobbing Mop-Head” in her boyfriend’s car shortly thereafter.

T’was an awesome night on all fronts last night, dear readers.

Hasta Tamale…


Nellie walkoff photo from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram

BAPL Embedded – *&$#%^! Yankees 7, Rangers  6


Urgh.  Argh.  Blurgh.

Last night was awesome.  Then suck.  Then awesome.  And finally: SUCK.

I’m freakin exhausted.

The Good
Through 6 innings, I was in Ranger-nerd Nirvana, basking in the awesomeness of Cliff Lee, and what looked to be a Grade A a$s-whoopin of the Bronx Bombers.  A “statement” was being made until…

The Bad
I don’t even remember the details, other than a Jeetah lead-off triple in the 7th, a wild-pitch…or was it a passed ball?  Dunno, but suddenly it was 6-4.  Then we go to the eighth, and Frank “let’s make it interesting” Francisco gives up a moon-shot to Marcus Thames, and we’re suddenly at 6-5.  Frankie lucks out, getting Austin Kearns to ground into a double play to end the inning.

The FUgly
After pitching two innings the previous night, Neftali Feliz was out-o-gas.  In the blink of an eye, we were tied, then the Yanks were up 7-6.

Bottom 9, a glimmer of hope.  Elvis leads off with a triple against Mo Rivera…was a repeat of the previous night’s theatrics on tap?  SURELY it was, with Elvis on 3rd with NO OUTS and Michael Young, Josh Hamilton, and Vladdy on deck and being pumped up by the Mighty Mouse theme song echoing throughout the halls. 

Well, no.  Three weak-a$s outs later, yours truly was skulking out to the parking lot, listening to obnoxious Yankee fans tell us all how many rings they have. 

Welcome back to 1999, Ranger fans.

Here’s what my favorite Rangers Blog, Baseball Time in Arlington had to say about the whole mess.

…and here’s a link to other links from my other favorite Rangers site, Lone Star Ball.

Philrizzuto.jpgUNI Watch
* Yet another reason I love The Cliff…he once again selected the BAPL Uni of Choice – The Home Whites.
* Phil Rizzuto jersey siting – While I certainly have competitive fan disdain for the Bombers, I do respect their success and tradition.  At the concession stand, an older fella was sporting a Phil Rizzuto jersey…I complimented said jersey much to the fella’s delight.

FILF.jpegFILF Watch
Welcome to the first sentence you’ve probably read in this post.  Nice to see you again.

* Aside from the cutettite little freckled brunette in the sun dress about three rows down, the FILFage in and around the BAPL VIP Seats was lacking to say the least.  Mostly because this intrepid reporter was surrounded by Yankee fans of the obnoxious male persuasion.  A disappointing night on all fronts, dear readers, my apologies.
(Yes, I just made up the word “cutettite”)

The Bostons are in town this weekend, hopefully the results and FILF matter will be of much better quality and abundance.


Nellie photo from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

BAPL Embedded #1 – Rangers 4, Yankees 3 (10)


As I’ve mentioned in previous BAPL posts, this was my first year to purchase FULL season tickets to Rangers Ballpark, rather than the usual mini-plan or scatter-shot indi-tix.  Of course, being the OCD dude that I am, I immediately had the bright idea of “Hey, wouldn’t it be eff!ng awesome to make EVERY SINGLE HOME GAME this year?”

Mrs. J wasn’t too keen on the idea, natch, but being the emotionally manipulative cretin that I am, I shamelessly played the “I almost died in 2009 and this is something that I’ve always wanted to do”-card, and, well, <Stewie>VICTORY IS MINE!!!</Stewie>.

So far, so good.  I’ve made all 58 home games up to this point, almost losing my
streak due to The Project From Hell at work, and barring anymore work
irritants or near-death experiences, I think I will reach my “stupid, unworthy goal” (Mrs. J’s words, natch).

ANYway, all that to say – my MLBlogging muse has been on the DL this
, as witnessed by the pathetic lack of BAPL posts this year.  So
in an effort to get SOMETHING going, I’m attempting to jump-start the
blog muse (Buse?) with the new BAPL exclusive – BAPL Embedded, where
I shall attempt to give you entertaining highlights from the previous game/series as seen, first hand, from the BAPL VIP Seats at Rangers
Ballpark in Arlington.  Not sure why I didn’t think of this 58 games
ago…anyhoo, here goes….

BAPL Embedded #1 – Rangers 4, Yankees 3 (10)


1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  R   H  E
NYY 0 0 0 0 1 1 0 1 0 0  3  
TEX 0 0 0 1 0 2 0 0 0 1  4  

.game-notes a{

W: N. Feliz (3-2) L: M. Rivera (3-2)

(Box Score via ESPN.com)

The Good
David Freakin Murphy.  Until recently, the Rangers’ numero
four-o outfielder, but has been swinging a hella hot bat of late and
has pretty much taken the starting job away from the disappointing Julio Borbon.  “Murph” hit a go-ahead 2-run bomb to right center in the sixth, gunned down Nick Swisher at home plate in the eighth, and hit the bases-loaded, 1 out walk off single in the bottom of the 10th.  Glad I added this dude to my fantasy team this week.

The Vlad
Vladdy continues his horrendous slump.  He was absolutely flailing at the plate last night.

The Ugly
Three, count ’em THREE freaking errors by the Rangers (and it probably should have been four).  One by shortstop Elvis Andrus, one obscene throw to first by CJ Wilson, and yet another error by Michael Young (Wash has just GOT to move Mike to 1st or DH next year, his glove has been awful in 2010).  Jorge Cantu was probably wishing he’d played more basketball in his youth the way he was having to go vertical and “rebound” the high throws dished his way throughout the evening.  Elvis, CJ, and Young damn near handed the freakin game to hated New Yorkers last night.

UNI Watch
The Rangers had on those hideous bright red jerseys/caps last night.  This happens every time C.J. Wilson pitches at home because the starting pitcher gets to choose the night’s unis and “Ceej” loves those hideous things.  If I had it MY way, they’d wear only the whites at home, except for Friday nights where they’d don the royal blues, and only the grays on the road, except for, again, the Friday night royal blues.  I’ll have to get with the new Greenberg/Ryan regime and see about implementing my uni plan… I’m just sure they’ll add this to the agenda.

FILF Watch
* Two late-twentysomething cuties at 12 o’clock, one wearing a distractingly revealing tank top.
* One less-than-wholesome looking teen-aged girl in a short summer
dress and cowboy boots, spotted and ogled whilst I was en route to the men’s
room during the 7th Inning Stretch.  Good thing the men’s room was my destination.
* One smokin’ hot Asian chick in a Jeetah Jersey on the
escalator after the game.  She had a big pouty look on her face
apparently because her Bombers lost the evening’s contest, meaning she’s likely a
real baseball fan, not a pink hatter.  This just made her even hotter.  I would have made
a quick detour to the men’s room again if I hadn’t been trying to beat
the post game twaffick.

FILK (Fan I’d Like to KILL) Alert
Some dude sitting next to my buddy and I decided to chat up someone on
his cell phone during what seemed to be 3 innings.  Luckily, my buddy
decided to suddenly become a very spirited, vocal fan, offering Alexi
very loud encouragement after every pitch during Alexi’s stay on the mound.  Said FILK
up and left soon after.  Another victory for True Baseball FansĀ®

It was a hella-sweet victory for muh boys last night, but I was keenly
aware that the Yanks did not start Cano (sick, but pinch hit later),
Teixeira (Mrs. T plopped out baby numero-three-o), Granderson (can’t hit
lefties, but pinch ran later in the game), and Posada (who knows), so
the Rangers basically beat the Yanks at less-than full strength.

I’ll take it though.

See ya next time(unless I get lazy and blow off this concept)…


Murph/Cantu photo via the Fort Worth Star-Telegram