Tagged: Kelly Johnson

Baseball Crack

fantasy-baseball.jpg

“The first one’s free!”

You’d think at the ripe age of 45, I would sense the red flags after hearing this statement.  But alas, when it comes to the game of baseball, I’m still a 15 year old kid susceptible to temptation.

Yes, I’m talking about my latest new addiction, Fantasy Baseball.  Not only did my baseball crack dealer get me hooked on one league, he managed to hook me on two, and let me tell ya something, dear readers, it is some kind of hella-addicting.

Not only that, it has changed the way I watch the game.   It’s not unlike the first time I watched “The Wall” whilst stoned outta my gourd.

Suddenly, I give a crap what Brad Hawpe of the Rockies is doing at the plate, that Torii Hunter just grounded into a double play, or that Matt Cain just gave up a game-tying triple.  Aaron Hill pulled a hammie?  Oh crap!  Now I have a reason to give a shiite about the Blue Jays and am forced to learn that the D-Backs second baseman has a girl’s name.

My fandom loyalties are also being tested and pulled in all directions.  While watching Scott Feldman pitch at Rangers Ballpark this week, I found myself secretly rooting against him because he was one of my fantasy opponent’s starting pitchers.  Then again, Feldman is one of MY starting pitchers in the other fantasy league!  GAHHH!!!   Worst of all, I have Mariano Rivera as one of my closers in both fantasy leagues, so I’m now actually rooting for the Yankees when Mo is in a save sitch!

My advice, “Just Say No” to fantasy baseball, it will take over your life.
(I’m kidding, it effing rocks!)

Now please excuse me while I go knock off a liquor store so I can make my dues in the pay league.

–Jonestein

Cartoon from here.

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