Last night on Facebook I was whining about how I hate this time of the year. All the fake and compelled niceness, the Xmas Gift-Giving “Tax” inherent with marriage, blowhard Christians getting their panties in a wad about the perfectly valid abbreviation of Xmas (look it up you knowledge-averse idjits, you might learn something), and the frantic shopping mob street traffic that forces me to avoid Hulen Street in Foat Wuth from Black Friday to Xmas Day, virtually cutting off part of civilization from me in December. Most of all though, I loathe the fact that my regular TV watching schedule is in disarray until mid-to-late January because of this contrived, smarmy-a$s holiday. No new episodes of House, Big Bang Theory, Sons of Anarchy…just reruns and idiotic Xmas specials. Blech.
Mr. Lung over at RSBS suggested I relieve my TV doldrums by tuning into MLB Network to (presumably) enjoy this year’s “Hot Stove” festivities. I certainly appreciated the suggestion, but I had to remind him that my fandom resides here in the Land of Misfit Toys, a.k.a. Arlington, TX and the Texas Rangers. The “Hot Stove” here in Arlington is like watching Harry Potter and his spoiled cousin Dudley open presents at Christmas: Dudley always get the shiny red firetruck with the 1.93 ERA while Harry gets some worn out Sox and a frayed, one-eyed Teddy Bear with shoulder problems.
This year is no different. The same old preamble that always seems to accompany any Rangers acquisition is once again ringing through the halls of Rangerdom: “If [insert misfit toy here] can get/stay healthy, then…”. This year’s misfit toy acquisitions are Rich Harden and tentatively, Mike Lowell. If Harden can get/stay healthy, then he will most defiinitely be an upgrade over Kevin Millwood as our numero uno starter. If Mike Lowell’s thumb and hip are ok, then he’ll be that right-handed bat we so desperately need to bolster Josh Hamilton, assuming of course, Hamilton is able to get/stay healthy.
However, and, hopefully, the Ranger’s Gimp Express is on it’s final run and help is on the way in the form of prospective new owner Chuck Greenberg. He’s supposed to be a real “baseball guy” with (again, hopefully) deep pockets. The Greenberg ownership group also includes Nolan Ryan, who will stay on as President and keep the club moving in the right direction.
If this ownership change happens soon enough, perhaps we’ll be unwrapping shiny red firetrucks here in Arlington by opening day. If not, I’ll just kick the sh!t out of Harry Potter, steal his wand, and belt out a Redbirdus-Extractus spell, instantly swiping Pujols, Yadi, Carpenter, and Wainwright from Mr. Lung’s beloved Cardinals.
Well folks, the Rangers pretty much screwed the pooch this weekend, dropping two of three to the Seattle Mariners. They need to go 17-3 in the remaining 20 games and have an apothecary slip the Red Sox and/or Angels a large dose of mediocrity for any hope of a playoff birth, so I’m calling it:
Time of death – Sunday, September 13, 2009, 11PMish.
Now it’s time to start thinking 2010, and first on the agenda, IMHO, is to release Kevin Millwood, TODAY, and use that 12 mil to help resign Marlon Byrd. Kevin is a leader in the clubhouse, but running out of gas in the middle of a pennant race should not earn you 12 mil to just do the same in 2010. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but given the financial woes of the club, this needs to happen.
Looks like I’ll be slipping on my Boston hat shortly, same as I’ve had to do all decade in order to have someone to root for in October.
The Red Sox are now up and throwing in the BAPL bullpen.
&*%^$# *&**** (($#@ &&&&**^^%$%^$#@# Mariners *(&^^^%$#!!! “King ******* Felix” &&%^ ***&^%$ Gutierrez #$@&&*** !!!!
Fine, then we have ****%$#@ ))& Millwood ^%$#@!*** Ichiro %#@ ******* ***** ^%$# *^%$#!!!!!
Of course one must consider *&*^^% %$$## Pacific Northwest ****%%$#^ &&**$#^ &*%$#@ kick-a$s Seattle pitching (((%$#@** **** **** %^$#, INDEED!!!
And then, if that wasn’t enough, F****** ^%$#@*( Joe Maddon *&^&$#@) &^&%$#* Kinsler *(*^^%% Tampa-nepotism $#@(!! &^% *&*** Pena!!!
Oh, but the weekend wasn’t over, because ^%$#@* Bedard ( ^%$#@ **& ^%$* **** %^$# *** ^^#@! *** pitiful at bats %%*** ^%$ three of four to ****** Seattle!! Add to the mix ***$% $$#^ ****&^%$ f*king Yankees **&^%$#( ^^%$@ “Rally Monkey” &^%$#@&^% ### one and a half ****** games behind %$#@ Angels ***&^% **&^%$ All-Star Break!?!?!?!
Can’t help it, that’s just how I feel, gosh darn it!